Russia Hacks the Oscars

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Breaking News! It’s official! Russia hacked the Oscars! Putin switched the envelopes for the best picture award. There were loud cries of moral indignation and righteous outrage from the left-wing Hollywood Elites. Many tears of grief were shed resulting in elaborate Oscar gowns, some valued at many thousands of dollars, being totally ruined … stained with tears and running mascara!

An unnamed highly-placed source within the Oscar organization stated that spontaneous protests are currently being organized and will commence just as soon as they can get funding from George Soros and the signs they ordered back from the printers. #NOTOURLALALAND.

Hillary Clinton, just back from her latest staged “accidental” meet up with a loyal young female supporter in the woods, was quoted as stating she was ” 100% behind the downtrodden, disenfranchised and forgotten Hollywood Elites and would certainly be there for them in 2020!”

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, upon hearing the news of this catastrophic occurrence, quickly went on the record, stating that, “This is simply additional evidence that President Trump should be impeached.  It should be illegal to traumatize the loyal supporters of so many undocumented illegal immigrants that cross our borders illegally! It is un-American and contrary to our unique American heritage,  After all, we are a nation of laws!”

President Trump, reacted to the news early this morning by tweeting, @POTUS Freaking Awesome!  The mainstream media outlets were outraged, then they were even more outraged, and finally, they were even more outraged! (Did I mention the mainstream media was outraged?)

The one bright shining light in this disastrous tragedy … Warren Beatty handled it calmly and brilliantly by doing exactly what actors do best. He read what was printed on the card even though it was dead wrong!

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Unnamed Officials Neither Confirm Nor Deny Unofficial Quote!

I thought this was funny and had to share!  Just a little humor from The People’s Cube:

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According to unnamed reliable sources, the White House is set to announce the formation of the Federal Bureau of “Quotations” to oversee media citations of all official White House announcements and denials of previous announcements.

In future, all media citations must fit within strictly defined classifications: unnamed, well-placed, unnamed well-placed, un-quoted, official, unofficial, official unnamed, official un-quoted, official well-placed, reliable, unnamed reliable, well-placed reliable, official unnamed well-placed, and unofficial un-quoted unnamed well-placed reliable.

The Federal Bureau of “Quotations” has set up a website to help the media and the reading public understand what the new classifications mean. An official unnamed well-placed reliable source said the site will be user-friendly, featuring a cute feline mascot named Miss Information to lead readers through the many details.

An unnamed well-placed un-quoted official didn’t clarify whether, when spoken, the new entity should be pronounced as “Bureau of quote Quotations unquote” or simply stated as “Bureau of Quotations” with air quotes given at the appropriate moment. A second well-placed reliable source claimed air quotes should not be used so as not to offend the eye-hand-coordination-challenged.

When contacted, a third unofficial un-quoted unnamed well-placed reliable source denied everything, but confirmed multiple job openings at the Bureau’s community-based Quotations Correctional facilities to help maintain safe, cost-efficient, and secure environment for media professionals in need of self-improvement opportunities offered to them by dedicated Quotations Correctional Officers.

~ Will Beria, The People’s Cube

 

 

 

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